"Who did you love? 
Boy I saw through, through your love--
Who did you love?
Me, or the thought of me?
Me, or the thought of me?"






.................... the thought of me. 






Today I read my journal from a few years ago.
I look back and realized I ignored all the signs. 
What a fool to exchange God's begging and pleading
to wake up back then  as tyrannic overbearing non-sensical inapplicable LAWS. 
It took longer than long for me to realize that God
requires our obedience not solely to bring Him the glory;
but because He truly, honestly, sincerely, in all God-loving, living & breathing--
wants & KNOWS the best for us. 
And He hands it to us. 
But we don't take it. 
We reject & reject, assuring ourselves that what we're already holding; 
fingers clasped so tightly no light can break through mind you--
is what will give us life, what gives us joy.. what we will live for. 


I have learned more in this past week about my Christian life than 
I have in many years. Hands down. (i'll def. blog more about that later)..
At the end of the day, I know that I don't "hope" 
for the best.  I am positive that I am going to have the 
best when I live a life in obedience to the Lord. In His will..there are NO 
mistakes. 


I will fall, fail & crumble at times. I am still weak. But oh, my God, my 
wonderful, huge & strong God makes His strength perfect in my weakness. 
I have learned to give Him my heart, (with every single door open..
and yes.. --reluctantly..and slowly..even the secret trap doors) to be open 
to His every beck & call. He makes whole again what is broken. 
And I am still broken. Yet it is in this time where God can build & restore
me back to the way He wants me to be..  


complete.
in Him.


bon nuit,