Surrender. Contentment. Faith.

--respectively; God's been drilling these lessons over and over and over and over.
Cracking away the stone forts (or what's left of them) guarding my wayward heart.

I don't understand but I am glad.

Its been the 2nd week that my bank account has been less than zero--and though normally this wouldn't phase me..5 minutes ago as I checked, it really did. (I thought that I had hundreds in there to find that it was anything but! =( .. automated transactions which against my will someone signed me up for made my account horribly overdraft causing 4 overdraft fees..with 4 more waiting to come.. =T)

where do i get money for food?
where do i get money for gas?
how do i help with the bills?

its just funny that on thurs., i remember just crying out to God for some lunch.
i know. simple.
God has created this universe, so surely he could create a meal.
He never forgets his children.

Sure enough, one of the guys from next door (a fabulous catering company)
popped in and said , "Hey, want some lunch?!"
My gas was way below empty, and I HATE asking my mom for money because I know we're all struggling, but I knew I had to.. and
sure enough.. i deposited $50 to your account, steph.. luv, mom.

oh, but how quickly we forget, huh?

on the way to work, i was listening to a message on 107.9 and the preacher was talking about Job..
he said, "Isn't it true, that suffering is SO much harder to deal with when we don't understand the cause of it?" right on. I get the consequences of disobedience, I get it when I haven't been a good steward of my money.. but this time, I just don't know.

sure, its hard to "not know" when creditors are calling you nonstop.
it's hard to "not know" when you don't know where your next meal is coming from.
it's hard to "not know" when you're receiving bills you know you can't pay for..

but just like thursday, just like today, just like last week, just like last month, last year, last decade, last kicking movement in my mothers womb before I inhaled the alien planet earth air---

God provides. God is good. and God doesn't forget you. me. us. ever.

He never told us the road would be easy, but He did promise us that we would never go alone.


Just when I thought I could do it myself, Lord.. you sweep right back into Your arms.

alright... you got me. and you got my attention :)

p.s. shortly after I think of my so-called distressing dilemma.. I cannot even fathom what it would be like to have to look into the eyes of someone in Haiti who told me they just lost everything. I might be hungry, but I know that I am abounding in riches. You give.. You give & take away. Nothing was ever even ours to begin with..