puffy eyes make me feel ugly-ized.

okay. i get it.
the inifinite unanswered messages/calls/texts.
the "you're just another girl" look.
the ... oh.. you left? i didn't even notice bit..
the.. awkward questioning of having a reason to call
the i'd rather NOT hang out with you, thanks.
the "oh, i'm sorry i'm really busy tonight".. but.. really, you're eating out with friends
the "yeah.. i don't think i can go".. two seconds after i ask you piece..
the "i'm sorry i was just really busy and had so many things to do.." ..NOT.
the ignoring of my antics to try and get you to have fun with me..

THE, "I DON'T LIKE YOU OR CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. WHEN WILL YOU GET
IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD?" PART.

i know you'll never say it. but your actions scream it.

i get it. i get it. i get it. i've always gotten it, actually. probably long before you realized it in your own heart. i'm just a delutionalized idiot who lives in a dreamworld and keeps comin' back around.
so for one last time, ... i'll say it:

"i'm sorry for everything. and goodbye." ----says the girl who came back the next day.

ah, Lord. sometimes I wish i had a heart of stone. just to stop maki'n a darn fool out of myself everyday. "maybe when I can stop remembering how things used to be so good, i'll finally have the strength to up & leave." --diary of a mad black woman.

p.s. i'm never too sleepy for you. i just tell you i am because you never listen to my voice anymore, anyway.