To be great.

I'm clothed with the epitome of comfortable, the wind is whispering to my hair through a slight crack in the window, vast & rolling green hills in sight, and my faithful pooch is sleeping like a baby in the squares of sun on the floor. Bliss.

One of the many reasons I adore my city:

that's my view every morning.



Resting a lot has given me an abundance of time to reflect and read.
In prayer, God brought something to my attention..

Once, one of Francis Chan's bible students confessed something during a message we're all too frightened to say: "Sometimes, I want to be humble, so I can be great."

I heard that about 4 years ago. This paradoxical revealing has returned to haunt me; pleasantly :)

I realized, I have been fooling a genuine pursuit of God Himself with pursuing the blessings of God.
to quote one my fav. songs: "Seeking Your face, and not only Your hand.."

for instance; I found myself wanting to get over the "repentance" part of my prayer, just so I can hurry on to the "petition" portion.

Found my prayers of being instilled with humility, patience, kindness, (insert every valuable & great virtue here), were just so I can bubble in the imaginary aptitude tests of "spirituality." Hey, i'm pleasing man AND pleasing God! eh? eh?

I ushered God into my heart, into my life (yes, this is a great thing!)..but, it was so that I, ME, would be blessed. "God, take control of my heart and the one it leans towards. Let it be a God-centered relationship if You will to bring it there. It belongs to You, and it is Yours."

Nothing wrong with that prayer, but beneath the Holy One's name being mentioned, underneath the seemingly pure yearnings of letting the Maker make what He wants of me... lied cold selfishness.

I just wanted to be blessed.

Me.

Deep in my core, at the very epicenter of my heart, God knew that I wasn't praying these things for His glory, I was praying them to bring light to my name.

The reason some of us are such poor specimens of Christianity is because we have no Almighty Christ. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment to Jesus Christ.
-Oswald Chambers

We must ask Him for a desire to love Him with our entire heart, fall in love with His words, His people, & His heart daily. In result, we bring Him honor because we WANT TO. Because we love Him.

We have a King's treasure, but we settle for rocks & stones. What a greater treasure in the Lord Himself. :)