Angst.

this year was the first in successfully completing at least a few of my resolutions.
one namely, was making better use of my time..prioritizing the time that God has given me.
It was such a revelation to understand that each hour, second, breath, is a gift. No really. We hear that a lot, but do we realize that God has made us stewards of it as well? A lot of things are entrusted to us, but a lot of times, we don't realize them if they aren't tangible.

Not each second was productive, but, I did see that I traded a lot of the non-sense
facebook, twitter, hangouts to actually take care of business and chores, and
take the time out to encourage a few brethren here & there. Everything in moderation..
(to some respects..course i can't use that phrase for everything.. hehe).

2009 is officially closed and so is that part of my life.

A part of me feels sad to officially close the door, because hurt & pain have become my blanket.

Love is a vengeance warrior seeking to destroy all that is vulnerable---or so i thought. but this time i feel safe and able to just let go. no more chasing, no more wondering, no more daggers pushed in & twisted around this beating heart.

I am so blessed to have this. to be where I am...I never thought I would escape. Just this present moment is such a blessing to me.

One thing I do pray for, is that God stops getting booted off the throne of my heart. My heart always mistakes its beatings for one created rather than the Creator. I'm going into 2010 a little more timid, rather than the gusto-inflated-i-can-conquer-all-superwomanwannabe as last year. hehe.. i just want to be quiet this year. be quiet, and listen more. i hardly listen to You, yet, the discouraging voices of the world have surrounded me as a rickety shield. that's gotta go. I feel that this year will have a lot of changes. I don't feel ready, but I'm here... I'm holding on to You.

Happy New Year, all.