$35 of goodness.

So it's been a while since i've been able to cook due to an insane schedule (oh what's new). Remembered trying Israeli couscous once upon a time & i had a sudden urge to eat it again. 

And then I had a sudden urge to make all sorts of things! :) even fudgy chocolate cupcakes for dessert! (sadly, didn't get to those..but i will next time!) anyway, i tried fresh&easy (mi nuevo favorito store, btw), trader joe's, henry's, albertson's & they all said the same, sad, heart breaking words: "we don't have it." 

ah, being the planner & all things must go according to my expected ideas in my head sort of gal, my excitment diminished. So I went over to Winco (it was the closest to where I currently was when I gave up my search) then I dragged my feet to the pasta aisle, knowing I'd have to settle for not having that Israeli Couscous. Anyhoots, I found this pasta that looked EXACTLY..and I mean..EXACTLY like it! Called "Acini de Pepe," i got my hopes up yet again. And guess what, folks! It worked out PERFECTLY! whoever gave me that "israeli couscous" salad might have lied because that pasta tastes, feels, looks, EXACTLY like the israeli couscous! ooh! anyhoots, here's some photos of what I made tonight! :) and it's soo delicious too! :) 

Meet the players. :) yeah. I know $35 worth, but.. this will last me a few meals!

*btw, that chicken & soy sauce is for another recipe ;P -woops!

Who bought a mint plant? I DID I DID! Dude! I recommend this to all you aspiring cooks! This only cost me $1.50. The label is so true: no waste, no hassle! :) yes!

This is what it looks like according to the recipe.

But gosh, i love mushrooms. So I sauted mushrooms w/ even more garlic! muwahha!

pretty, huh? :) 

though i feel like superwoman right now, i look at this "to-do-list" i have to finish for today.. and.. now i can gladly say.. "DUDE. that's a lot." but I have Someone who gives me strength, ALL MY DAYS! :) & for that, I am so glad! (mind you, the highlighted portions are the ones i HAVE finished) ay yay yay! **blocked out a really personal one that I know will stir up drama! hahahah >.<

for the recipe:

 CLICK ME :)

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anyways, cooking is fun, but learning lessons is better.

the other day..or..the past few days, i've been finding myself hunching over more & more in

attempts to stomach the realization of past events. tuesday i found myself wanting to run home

and assume the all-too-familiar fetal position in bed as in days of old. i still remembered those

mornings. nights. afternoons. weeks. months. year. 

these are the times where I know that no one on this planet knows me. 

no one on this planet understands, hard as they may try.

but i do appreciate this.

as a pastor once said, "I think that God sometimes waits until every

single human resource is no longer available to us..." and you know the rest. so we can call on

Him :) --I know he meant that more for financial, but it truly applies in all things.

I'm thankful that only He understands, cuz I guess when it comes to these things,

only He make whole what is shattered. My heart was weeping once again.

Suddenly, all my regrets, past failures, present failures, bad choices, disobedience..and

all the other things that made me feel so "unworthy" started to cloud my mind & bear down

on me. I re-enacted & rewinded & forwarded & slowmotioned scenes that caused me to

hurt, sink to my knees and cry. and i began to see myself crying as I sat there wondering

how I had let myself run away from God so far and had no idea I was even that far from Him.

How did I actually believe that I had God's best, when I chose a path that He didn't even

approve of? How did I allow myself to be a naive, stupid & fooled little girl & believe so,

so, so, many lies? How did it happen?

I do understand that a big part of my hurts was because I withheld from God what was

rightfully His: my heart. I entrusted my life to Him, and yet I kept closed off from Him

the one thing that I truly loved. He had to rip it apart from me because I just refused to

give it to Him. I can keep on about all that God has revealed to me, but that would make

for a long paper. Instead, my good friend Daniel reminded me: "These things are hurting

you because you're letting them..steph."

At the time, I know he just didn't understand. i mean..dude, no one has & no one does (maybe

except John Mayer because he sings the exact same motions I went through in Dreaming

of a Broken Heart) hahahaahah! but.. God truly used that to lead me to this amazing verse:

Philippians 3:13

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..

A version I read instead said "reaching with arms forward." And just spoke this into 

my heart & my whole attitude changed. Man, to STRAIN ahead? Looked up the def. of 

strain & it goes like this: 

-To exert to the utmost

-To stretch beyond the proper point or limit

I mean, it says that we are to STRAIN, to try so hard with every single ounce of strength

to move forward that our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our actions are pushing FORWARD

with every breath! :) 

God reminded me, "Just keep your eyes on Me..Just keep your eyes on Me"

pushing forward with every step.. and behind us? ..it DOESN'T MATTER. 

so yeah, all the things that went on truly, truly, sucked. but i'm thankful for them. learn & grow, right? its good to see how much God blesses you when you've been through the storm. :) let

us all STRAIN forward :) our prize is Jesus. & there's nothing more beautiful than that. 

live blessed, be blessed, & bless God,

steph