so this is love?

 

There was a point in time where my insanely humble spirit believed that I could be the best girlfriend. Like, ever. in the universe. of the world. and afar galaxies beyond that.  

Love came easy for me. As long as people were sweet. but whatever, same thing right? Also the ebb & flows of  service & words of affirmation seemed common.. check, check,  check on all the other "love languages," it's okay.. I'm sure I could adapt or whatever. I was a nasty little brute at times with my family, and I would completely shut out people who hurt me.. but, if I ever had a real, living, boyfriend. Oh, watch out. I would be freiki'n awesome!..no.. "BE-AWESOME!" (thanks "Bolt)

Men are easy. Keep them fed, & don't hurt their pride. Women are a little more complicated..but.. basically.. just love them. Men & Women. not so hard. pretty easy. mars, venus..what? mhmm. i had the whole opposite sex thing in the bag, boyyyyyyyyyyy!

then came along my sweet little chocolate surprise...

and SURPRISE! 

All my lofty ideals of ease & love came quickly tumbling down. It seemed like I was on the bottom rung of the "girlfriend scale." Impatient, restless, and always complaining..and did i mention.. CRYING?! (omg, i felt like such a loser at those times! haha) ... I found myself always telling daniel.. "um.. okay, so this is the part where you can walk away while its early." 

Turns out, I wasn't superhero gf after all. Who woulda thunk, huh? ;D 

and.. really? so...its not okay for me to ignore you for days? weeks? when i feel hurt.. .. hmm. it was okay before..  

 and ooooooooooooh, say what, boy? I'M SELFISH?! whaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!

ok. ok. i already knew that..but to hear it out loud is different. hahahahahah. 

I've always been a firm believer of God making His love tangible to us in ways here on earth. 

Whether it be through wonderful guardians, parents, peers, friends..or in my case, a significant other.. 

There is a sweet and nonexchangeable closeness which allows you to just be real. 

 The dross that has surfaced is no longer a secret and this person (or these people) love you for who you are, yet love you too much to let you become content with mediocrity.  to stay the same. 

there are times that daniel has asked me "steph, please tell me what's wrong," in the exact same calm manner as he asked it during the first 60 seconds of the 15 minutes of silence as my response. (wow that was an extremely long sentence, did that even make sense?).

he's learning when to go into "problem-solve" mode and when to just listen.

he tells me to apologize & talk to people i felt hurt by even though i'd rather bend my big toe backwards than be humble. 

he sweetly calls & tells me not to forget to pray....though at times I just grumble and go back to sleep. 

these are just a few of the things..

but the most I value, is how he truly fights for the truth. 

not what's comfortable, but, for the truth.

and in turn, (at this point so far anyway).. for our relationship. 

as long as it's God's will, we'll still be here :) 

Daniel is nowhere near perfect & neither am I. For this, I ooze contentment & thankfulness. What state would the world be in without its flaws? How would we ever learn? Lord knows sometimes we both want to pull our hair out in frustration from one another.. but.. 

I am grateful for this. for us. for you reminding me of God's insanely stubborn love for me (in a good way), because you show it to me in the best way you know how. 

thanks from the bottom of my jagged heart. 

.. and by the way, I'm glad you didn't walk away early. 

Happy 6 months, my chocolate puffy pop pop :)