All I need is You, Lord. Is You, Lord. All I need is You..

The Holiday was one of my favorite movies. Actually, I still think it is.
I don't know, but I guess I'm just in awe of how there are people in this world who can capture an intangible feeling so eloquently. Almost as if they jarred it up and it became an actual substance. Where anyone can hold it, experience it, and breathe it just so they can relate.

Heartache.

I loved this movie because (besides God of course), there was no one on earth who had been able to put into words how my crumbled heart felt. at the time, those words..they eased my pain a little. to know that someone had actually put into words what I could not even mutter. oh, if tears could speak. what novels they could have written.

it helped :)

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. " --The Holiday

its true, we always think we can change the tide..and maybe,  just maybe..the ebbings & flowings of your love's heart will ebb & flow the way it once did for you. but sometimes.. it just stops. sometimes, the knock at the door never comes.

i was browsing through old blogs and found this on my myspace..dated december 2, 2008. and now its more than a year later. I was fine & dandy with my brokeness, because it kept me company.
but God never intends for us to remain broken. He can mend what was lost, fractured..even ashes, he can unburn. Strange as it is, I love hanging onto these old fragments because they remind me where I came from.

You cry yourself to sleep in fetal positions every night, wondering if you'll ever get over the hurt..
and one day you wake up..and realize that God has carried you through the storm.

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry if this is coming off as a self-pity blog. It might, but this isn't my intention. (and i would HATE if you came away with the image of me portraying so). Purely that.. I realized..and remembered just how broken I was. .. I felt I needed to go back a little..because I just.. i just feel so blessed :) talaga. the kind of blessed when you just want to keep quiet and thank God through tears blessed. I needed to return a few months.. years in time..so I can truly appreciate where I came from.. and how far He's taken me.

I say thanks, because not only were You so patient, in the midst of all the years I pushed You away..but the moment, I agreed to, You began to fill me again. You began to creep into every crack of my heart & reminded me that all I had ever need in life was You. and as if that wasn't good enough,
after a little while, you added a plump, chocolatey, fluffy, bonus.

ah, why are You so good to me? :)