let's just hideaway.

as of late, i've truly felt the overhwhelming presence of Christ standing with me & for me in all things. He was always there, I just seemed to always overlook Him. in the times when I did remember Him, it was for a mere & fleeting moment, only in the dire & desperate times.

he's my best friend and I am so in love with that. I can tell Him things I dare not tell a soul in fear of them thinking I am foolish or silly or even dare I say.. "emo" for thinking the things that plague my heart so much.

i know its not good to see it as God & I against the world sort of packaged deal, but right now, I'm dangerously riding on that fence. Although beautiful to see God as the only true source of perfect love & continual Defender.. it also works against our favor when we feel that no soul of our brethren we can truly confide in. He considers the church his "bride," .. there were/are a lot of sacrifices made for the church so that we may continue to stand and be united and encouraging one another in love.

but right now i hardly feel any flames reaching and lighting another when someone else's is beginning to burn out.

i'm so thankful i've had the few lights to help me feel His love tangibly. but everyone else feels so far away.


and as sad as it is to say, i feel as if i want to give up on reaching what is already lost.

i guess i'm just sad things are so different. if asked to name five friends i'm extremely close to, i don't think i can even muster up enough fingers for that.