Monday, June 8

this is bad, real bad.

self discovery: i hate conflict and would choose to just extract myself from the situation rather than deal with it.

this is bad, real bad. even with the people i love more than life itself, i love myself so much more that at the cost of their eternal apologies and suffering in wondering what they did wrong and how they could make nice with me again, i really could care less and just wish that they were gone from my sight. (i know, i'm so coldhearted, but hey. everyone has their flaws and this one of mines). i used to think that this was only with people who really hurt me and obviously had it out to make my life "miserable" and push all my buttons which they somehow intelligently knew where they were all placed---but sadly, I think God's finally pushed that obese pill down my throat and causing me to swallow the fact that this is a problem with EVERYONE. even people I would seriously give my life for, i still treat them the same :(

you rub me the wrong way--i'd rather not talk to you for days, thanks. instead of talking about it and resolving even the most minute problems, i'd rather just crawl into my own little space and avoid you, because in my mind, YOU SUCK, and you don't deserve a second of my time cuz you hurt me. (earth to steph, the world doesn't revolve around you ;] ) hahah!

man. its crazy. I never knew that this problem in my heart was so serious until now. I'm glad that God is revealing my flaws to me now so that I can ask for His help in solving them, because, seriously, living life without any friends is pretty stinky. we're all bound to have conflicts in one way shape or form---and truthfully, they really do make your bond universes stronger.

guess its time to tackle some ugly by spending time with the one thing that can melt away this selfish callousness.


learned that last week. we can try to change our "behavior," but its whats internal that really counts, THAT'S what can change us. Jesus Christ.



hendrix said...

haha this makes me feel bad because i think i'm worse.


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