Psych... yah mind.

It's two in the morning but I am so excited for tomorrow :) I'm going with a few great friends to have a Christmas party with a psych facility. KFC, BABY! aww yeah. .i'm only going for the fried chicken, actually. but ain't nobody gotta know. haha... i'm just playin'. sigh. truly, really.. though.. I'm so eternally grateful that I have this kind of opportunity. It's such a blessing to step out from our seemingly "jacked up" worlds to see what it's REALLY like to have nothing.. to live on the streets, to be imprisoned, to live without a family, home, shelter, money.. to be unaware of your surroundings & be unable to figure out what's wrong with you. Sounds strange, but i LOVE these kind of opportunities. As much as I get no respect from my relatives as being the "girl who is wasting away her future," I find that not being placed in the box of corporate america or working to get the next buck is where I am happiest. And its seriously only due to God's work in me, I can truly say that.. MAN. If i didn't have to work, I seriously wouldn't. I feel like there's so many unfortunate people.. I want to make a difference in my life here on earth. IN the short years I have, build a foundation for the kids in met in the PI, build homes for hurr. katrina victims, be a "big sister.." JUST HELP. for the kingdom. Someway, somehow. Eww. Jobs are so unnecessary. haha.. i'm jk. Jobs teach us character and DO build us up.. but.. I just wish that I could just live for free and just meet lost people, those who understand they NEED Jesus and tell them that.. it's okay.. He wants you to need Him, actually :) .. I dunno. I just feel like.. linstead of shining even brighter, I've been tending to highlight the darkness. Accentuate the shadows. Blend into the grays and just be comfy. .. I mean.. who doesn't like comfy, right? .. but what we SHOULD love is the UNcomfy.. the.. "God, I relaly need you, because I can't do this alone. And i'm not just talking about right now. I mean from every second of my life forward..I need you.".. THAT kind of UNcomfy. I want to be THAT kind of uncomfy. I know I'm asking for havoc.. but if that's what it takes, I'm going to hold on for one heck of a ride.

so, to get to the core of things. before anyone thinks that I'm a mother teresa of some sort.. it's not all it's cut out to be. I guess the hardest part of this all, and what I ask of you all to pray for me is that.. i have so much heart for a stranger. But I have no tenderness for my own flesh & blood. Especially with my lola. I love her more than anyone in this world; but yet I'm so tired from work to come home and basically shut her out because I don't feel like talking (but really, she's been waiting for me all day just so I can talk to her). My spirit breaks for a `po man on the street, but.. when it comes to ..... (________________________), it's like.. I just draw a blank.

I know in time God will restore the broken. As tempting as it is to leave things undone (for the fact that its more convenient and easier), all that does is increase the damage and broaden the gaps that... could possibly lead to someone knowing Christ.

Goodnigth... good morning, actually. Time to catch some sleep :)